Christmas Wines 2023
Intro
Wine
The Last Great Campbell Brothers' Squirt Gun Caper
Squirt Gun Caper, Caught, Revenge Served Cold |
And the story, prepared as a pamphlet, went something like this...
Squirt Gun Caper, Caught, Revenge Served Cold |
Christmas Wines of 2022
This has been another rough year for most of us. Another year of virus, of war, of incompetent politicians, rising inflation and a whole ten yards more.
Ralph decided to make a red wine for this years offering and I volunteered to contribute toward a white wine. We had fun coming up with the ideas for episodes concerning those bumbling Campbell brothers. We hope you enjoy too...
Delusions of Grandeur
Ralph came up with the name first, he wanted his wine to be titled 'Delusions of Grandeur'. Okay by me.
The elements for the picture were drawn (or pic-ted really) from a couple of sources. The background was a picture I had taken years before of the throne room of Edinburgh Castle in Scotland with a few embellishments. The 'Game of Thrones' throne was taken at a place previously mentioned in the blog, Primitive Designs, located near Port Hope, Ontario.
On the handout, or pamphlet, I used another shot from Scotland, from the Castle Campbell near Dollar. I lined up a couple of outhouses with silhouettes of courtly figures, added a 'garderobes are us' sign, and Bob's your uncle.
The label, once completed, looked like this...
Hail to the king, Delusions of Grandeur |
And the story goes something like this...
For the white wine I took inspiration from the video game I've been playing (for years), Borderlands. I thought it would be a nice twist of reality to have... well, you'll see.
I took some game shots, some of me and my brother (I'm still amazed at how versatile my living room is for photos in spite of all the clutter in there). I also used a background from a misty field located near my brother's place, and, oh yes, a picture of a metal rhino taken from you know where.
Brotherlands
Instead of a single label I produced a set of three:
Their story is linked in the pamphlet.
And there you have it, this year's installments of the not so epic Campbell brothers' sagas.
Ah, here we go again. It has been a difficult year for all of us. Top of the list of contributing factors is the virus (which will remain un-named) and whatever variant (also un-named) of same we're into now.
My Brother Ralph and I continued with our running gag of 25 years or so. I checked on the first iteration, we've been doing this since 1995 in fact. We always made wine with intent: to share a beverage with friends and family (not to poison as some may claim), and then share a bit of a joke (much needed in these fearful times) pointing fun at ourselves.
Ralph did a great job making the wine this year. He decided to concentrate on a red wine which, he has said, is quite good, almost fit to drink.
I worked on the labels and the story.
So this is the continuing saga of...
Campbell Wine Wine
Below is the label for this years wine. The main feature, the front barrel, was actually contributed by my son Elliot. He took the photograph while he was at one of our favourite places, Primitive Designs, and then sent it to me with permission to use the image.
I cut the barrel out and added it to a photograph of my own and threw in some finishing touches: modifying the gun powder to read gnu powder, the red Wine, the X, the wooden sign, and there you have it.
Once complete I started working on a bit of a story and then copied it to a brochure template, adding the pictures and then printed that out as our handout for the year. Here it is.
Well, it certainly seems like years since I stared at a blank blog page. So this is what one looks like.
For some reason putting together this little posting seems even more daunting than usual, it's more difficult to compose my thoughts in order to do homage to this year's wine.
Yes, I said homage.
As we're all aware much has changed in this past year. The world may look the same but it is radically different and on many levels. I'll just leave that at that.
And now....back to our regularly scheduled programme.
For the 2020 wine Ralph wanted to use 'KISS' as the watchword, and he and I did just that. I'm pretty sure you understand what that means. The second 'S', if you can't guess, stands for stupid. That seems to be another watchword with us.
Ralph decided to concentrate on doing just a single batch of wine this year, the red. I'm guessing he wanted to see if it became stable enough to bottle, or even stay in the same room with.
(This did not go without notice, the white wine crowd put up quite the fuss.)
I must say he did exemplary work. He didn't even blow up the carboy when he added oak to the fermenting mixture. I almost have the nerve up to pop a cork and sample the wine. Almost but not quite.
Of course keeping it simple creates other issues. Ralph found that because of this whole damn virus thing he couldn't use the clogging group that he hung around with to mash the grapes like he was used to doing. He had to go back to the old tried and true method and mash them with the car. It's really hard on the tires.
My part in keeping it simple was to refuse to buy the colour cartridges for the printer. If Black & White was good enough for a blended scotch it was good enough for me.
We're not cheap, we're Scotts.
When it finally came time for me to play my role as chief putting things on paper guy Ralph came over to spend the weekend (he's in my bubble). I asked Ralph what he'd like to see as a label. We hashed ideas around and eventually came up with 'Expletive Deleted'. That phrase kind of says it all.
Expletive Deleted, the wine |
Once the labels were created, argued over, torn up, redid, torn up again and finally printed out for good, we sat side by each as I typed on the computer and worked on a little story, or commentary really. Okay, maybe a bit of a warning. Both of us came up with suggestions as the words flowed onto the paper. It didn't take long. We both think it was funny. We still do.
When I gave out some of the wine I wanted to include the 'warning' and so I took the 'story' page and wrapped it over the neck of the bottle. Something like you see here.
A fine wrapping job |
It's probably a bit awkward to read like that so, never fear, I'll print the text out separately here.
Hmmm...It doesn't appear that Blogger allows me to use the same font as what was used for the handout. That's okay, I can work with that.
The original idea, of course, was wanting something that looked like a hand printed note. This was what we came up with.
Hey, Campbell brothers…
What’s up with you guys?
Every year it’s the same damn thing, you give us this stuff you call ‘expletive deleted’ wine. Well it Ain’t.
We don’t dare drink it. We tried that once and lost consciousness. The dog did and he died. The cat tried it too, and lost all his fur. All the other cats laugh at him. Tried to use it as a spot remover on the floor and it did that okay, but also burnt a hole through to the basement. I had to replace the damn water heater. Why pick on us? What did we ever do to you? My son Ronny suggested we use it as fuel for the truck. It ran the engine so hot that it seized. Have you ever seen melted valve covers under a vehicle before? And now you have the nerve to ask for a testimonial. And fumes? Don’t even go near there. It smells so bad that skunks pack up and leave. And the purple cloud bleached my wife Ethel’s hair, and then it fell out too. You thought she was difficult to live with before…
The sooner we never see you again the better it’ll be when we next meet. And I suggest you stuff the ‘expletive deleted’ wine. You know where.
So that's the story of this year's wine. I hope you enjoy.
Be safe.
Whutsamatta U varsity letters |
Red Menace, the wine. |
Yellow Peril, the wine |
Coke wagon separated from background |
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Ralph Campbell, 'reins' of the outfit. |